Today while catching up on some cleaning I came across the journal I used last summer before I started RCIA. I chuckled at first thinking about what in the world could have been in it, but then when I started flipping through some of the pages I read this prayer from adoration chapel I thought I’d share.
Monday, August 12, 2013 1:30pm
St. Isidore’s Adoration Chapel
Father God, I come before you as a person who is hopelessly broken. I am a person unworthy of your grace and mercy, and yet you lavish them upon this sinner anyways. Christ’s love covers me completely and I am so thankful for you Lord. I fail you time and time again, but you are always there to run back to. I pray that I will stay in your arms, instead of running to and fro. Jesus you know my heart. You know my innermost being and who I am. You alone Lord know my heart completely, I pray that you would continually shape it and mold it more and more to match yours. Help me overcome my unbelief – I believe in you but help me overcome. Help me continually place my faith and trust in you, to grow in knowledge of you. Continually fan the flame of your love in my spirit. Make me long after you. Constantly I want you to be my most trusted friend. I want you to be first and foremost in my life, Lord. Strengthen my love for you. I shouldn’t be a Christian in name only. Let my life be used for your glory – Father use me. Let me seek after you for your own sake – let me come to you earnestly and without pretense. Don’t let other influence me in ways you wouldn’t want for me Lord. I want to know you more but sin and my own selfishness and stupidity get in the way. I feel stuck between wanting what you want and wanting my own way. Let me continually die to myself – fill me with your wants and desires so that I may come to a greater knowledge of you.
I think of where I was at that point last year and where I am now. Then I was struggling deeply with where my spiritual home was going to be and what becoming Catholic would mean in my life. I wanted to go through RCIA knowing that it was His will and not my own, and that that path was coinciding with my desire to know Him more.
It’s good to know that as much as things change, they stay the same too. I may be officially part of the church now, but my desire to seek after God (and ultimately all of my shortcomings in trying to do so) are the same. Let this be the prayer of my heart today, tomorrow and always.